i bet everyone's probably haf heard of Lady Luck, but haf anyone heard of Lady Evil or Lady Bad luck?
well, i din noe at first but im pretty sure one of the latter two stayed neaar me during promos or even till now. i jus haf this evil aura around me now i swear its there.
if you're planning to come ask me abt my results, dun bother, i'll tell you right here right now. not like im goanna break down right when u speak of it but rather, i'll jus shrug and gif u a blank look cus i really duno how to ans. neither do i wan to see ur face staring sympathetically at me or gif me a pat on my back saying things like, 'its okay, at least you will promote.'
well im extremely 'lucky' to haf landed myself in a so-called failing streak as wad i haf told most of my closer friends and its true. i've failed all my subjs except chem which was considered a fail anyways since everyone else did so well. im definitely not hoping a pass for my econs since i've hated it frm the start of year and since when haf i passed any of my econs tests? maybe only the first one?
wad a great surprise that one of my weakest subj was the only one i survived through for promos. they screwed the two paper of my fave and slight better subjs (this is no lie, it is seen in the results) and how was i to score in my two other weaker subjs?
im jus utterly shocked and speechless. i don't even noe wad was going on ever since i got back my gp results, i swear that was the biggest shock of my life, so huge that no matter how badly i did for others, it doesn't matter a single shit. maybe only for bio.
i nvr did once for promos, screw up all my exams altogether. prob is no matter whether i tink i did well or badly for the paper, it will always turn out bad. wow. now i wonder if it was really me who wen through the promos and did all those papers. and funnily, my math and bio had only 1 mark diff. hah was i shocked. i knew i did badly for math, it was inevitable but bio, another huge disappointment. well, 3/4 during the bio exam i could not think at all due to the stupid stomach ache i had.
it was almos as if there was actually something that prevented me from doing well in anything in this promos. or else why wld i jus barely fail with only 2 or 3 marks to a pass? its almos as if that sth wanted me to fail but not fail that badly. wow thanks. yeah and mos pple wld tink im insane and jus finding excuses for my bad results.
the even more interesting scene that i saw was that, the pple who actually wen out all the way to get more marks were not the ones who missed the passing grade by jus a bit but those who haf actually passed with quite a high score but wanted those few points for a higher grade. i hope this is not offending anyone, i am not particularly pointing fingers to anyone so pls, if you cannot take it or feels uncomfortable reading this, jus close the window.
maybe cus those who failed already gaf up. but there are the ones who jus passed and felt satisfied with their marks. well, and especially at such a sensitive time where there are probably tens or even hundreds of pple worrying abt whether they can even promote to j2, they are also the ones who are desperately worrying that they can't score a good grade, and pretty sure they wun do so badly till they fail. its common during exams i haf to admit, but pls, at least spare a thought for those who aren't doing very well and not gif them the attitude: too bad, blame it on yourself that you din study hard enough, its your business, not mine.
some of them dun mean it of cus, some of them did it accidentally without knowingly, of cus of cus understandable. jus that you jus leave a bad impression on other pple thats it. well, another thing im sad about is that im jus getting more and more disappointed in the pple around me...
i start losing trust in some...
i start losing contact with some...
i start losing the connection and that ability to make them understand what i was trying so hard to say...
it seems as if i was the person walking the wrong path, and everyone jus pathertically looking at me, nth they can do abt it so why bother? pple im close with are drifting apart. places that i used to seek comfort from are gone. things im afraid of are happening. very soon, i'll be left alone.
or maybe it is jus me swallowed by my bad mood and mood swings as many wld think now. and soon everything will be over so they are leaving me alone. yeah maybe. jus treat this as another ranting of xinmei's, another method of hers to waste our time to hear rant all her worries when they are actually minor and stupid things which doesn't concern me at all so why shud i care? i shud take care of my own problems.
you'll probably thinking that oh no xinmeí has gone into deep depression. yeah keep it that way if its wad u are thinking. anything, jus dun come comfort me with words, hugs or wad shit. for the me now, those are fake concerns which has no use or effect on me now jus like how u wld think my problems are nothing to ur concern.
if u know me well, u will noe wad to do.
